Dollop of a Dream...

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. ~St. Augustine

Travel and change of place impart new vigour to the mind, body and soul. And personally travel is one of my deepest desires. The very concept of traveling to unknown places, discovering new people, new cultures, new ideologies, new dogmas, faiths and languages gets me thrilled. Stagnant at a single place, one remains unaware of the life and living of their counterparts in the other half of the world. While if you travel you get to unravel the intricate mysteries of life’s existence in places other than yours. This infact I’ve inherited from my parents I guess, they have managed to maintain a perfect balance between their work and travel, inspite of stupendously busy schedules they did travel in vacations. That’s my father’s only addiction he says. I blissfully have been to most of the places my parents have traveled…this slowly but steadily infused in me the desire to head for new destinations…

There is another interesting dimension to this, Nature……specially mountainous terrains, fast running brooks, steep gorges, gurgling water falls, hilly folk tunes……they turn me on !

How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!

During our 24 X 7 run in the fast moving city, we miss out on man’s closest associate since times immemorial. This broad divide between rural and urbanized infrastructure has reduced nature only to urban man’s dektop wallpaper. But being in company with nature is enchantingly charming……more romantic than the most romantic saga on the silver screen. Being in the city the closest I’ve been to nature is …

A walk in the terrace before the sun rise, I’ve watched the sun leave its hidden world below the horizon and light up this half of the world. Being in India we are one of the foremost people to welcome the sun……and those moments have been special……the temperature being the day’s minimum and the air having a maddening essence of freshness.

A draining summer afternoon giving way to dark nimbus clouds and gusty winds……..that’s the Kalbaishakhi or Norwes’tors ! It is indeed a natural marvel, brings down the temperature and hence a relief for the thirsty earth.

That has been my intimacy with nature here in the city, but I dream of yet more !

I dream of being far far away from this maddening crowd, in a place that still holds its essence, still clings to what God had given it, where you aren’t stressed out running life’s race but where you enjoy life’s lucid flow.

These are of course dollops of a dream of the sub conscious mind, in actuality it’s a true juxtaposition….I’m heading for a even faster city…Bangalore !

Going away is hard...

Daddy's little girl paints the world with her magic wand
Daddy's little child breathes new life to the morning time for him
Though they’re apart, her thoughts follow him
When he comes home, she smiles with the dawn
She smiles, and she radiates the glow around her halo
When she plays, she smiles
On a summer day, she smiles
A new day, she smiles

Daddy's little girl ties a ribbon around his heart
Daddy's little child waves goodbye to the ocean tide that sweeps

Though they’re apart, she's a part of him

She smiles with the dawn
She smiles and she radiates the glow around her halo
When she plays, she smiles
On a summer day, she smiles
A new day, she smiles

When the days have gone grey for him,
Nothing's wrong when she smiles

An adaptation !

Death....

Death a word I’m so unaccustomed to yet the world expects you to deal with it. At eighteen it is still a faraway, distant land for me. Something I don’t want to think of, something I’m still afraid of. Yes, I’m afraid of it, its dreadful, its dark, its beyond this world, no one knows what it is like and those that know can never come back to tell how it felt. Yes, this very concept of not coming back, gives me shivers. An uncanny truth is that God has kept me away from a death that is about to happen. My Grandpa died of cancer, I was at my maternal house while the rituals were carried on. I was three. My Grandma died of cerebral infuction far away in Gujarat, I stayed back in Kolkata. I was sixteen. These were old age deaths which people usually take as an eventuality. Recently I had been to Bangalore for an engineering entrance exam, I came back to face a stark truth. A very close associate of ours had died of a heart attack within split seconds even before doctors could be brought in. An untimely death and everybody’s shocked.I practically don’t know how to react. I have one problem, I can’t express my emotions in front of people……I cannot cry, I feel drained putting up a façade every moment. I want to cry and I want to hug Raj (It was his father who left all of us for his heavenly abode on the 2^nd of May 08….Raj happens to be one of my good friends) and say ……say what ?.....I have no words ……Silence is the only option I guess….it speaks, it breaks barriers, it will reach him. I hope he confides in me his deepest sorrows and choicest regrets !

My Pensive ----- post ISC !

Well not even 6 months have passed from then and a lot of things have changed. We’ve almost given our ISC.

I can’t read my feelings now that I’ve done so. Well on one hand it should have been a feeling of relief that, lion’s share of the job @ hand has been done. But nowadays the system is such, we aren’t given a break. We give exams definitely because we eye the marks that they bring. With the exams over I’m apprehensive about the results, which I’m sure will not be upto the expectations. Well I guess I was younger when ICSE happened. After the exams it seemed I’ve written all things correctly but that was not the fact coz I ended up with a 92.8 which definitely didn’t satisfy my parents. Or rather I seem to feel so as it definitely didn’t appease my insatiable desires. God knows. This time it’s a little better I guess coz before hand I know that even if I get an 80, 85, 90 or even 95 mum n dad will not be happy with it. The papers were difficult but that’s no excuse. All those difficult sums that came….I did them all correctly but made a blunder in the correlation sum because I had less time. Physics my compulsory portion were all correct, where most ppl actually made mistakes. Part 2 was so so, no mistake but one of the diagrams carrying 2 marks was wrong I guess. Chemistry compulsory portion was all correct again. Physical one sum was wrong, inorganic and organic – I forgot two reactions ! Dunno how I cud dare to. That’s bout PCM, I dun think I’ll be able to include any of them in the best 4. Sheer shame on the part of a science student. “Forget it !” Everytime I say this to myself there are a 1000 questions springing up in my mind !!! U know wat, the strength and character of a person exposes itself not when everything is going right with him or her, but at such moments when nothing is going right with him or her ! Nothing’s going right with me truly.

My parents have spend a fortune on me and have probably done more than any parent could for my studies. And so I feel they have every right to expect. But ppl around other than my parents who start to compare as soon the results are out, get on my nerves ! They have great expectations even when they hardly know anything about the subject, the question paper, they hardly were anywhere around when I passed those sleepless nights, when every Sunday Morning I rushed to the Hazra centre, skipped lunch and came back home after sundown, but they definitely will have big mouths when the results come out to point out how some ppl got more than me. But I won’t take such words to the heart, I’ve decided.

When my mind gets a little break from the dreaded results, something else rushes in to take its place. It has absolutely no right to stay free and relax as if ! What else….the bigger and fiercer exams that are closer than they could possibly get. On that perspective, what I’ve already given seems kid’s play. Not only are they more difficult but they stand perfectly ahead in the priority list because no body will give me admission with ISC results ! The excitement of a cricket match heightens when it’s a DO-OR-DIE situation for INDIA isn’t it?......But when it is a do or die in life, its far from being exciting. Its raw pressure, stress and tension, from which u have no way out. This morning one of my father’s colleagues called, he’s my father’s greatest friend perhaps after NB’s dad ! He asked me how the exams were, when I said I’ve no expectation of a good result. He told me things which I have been dying to hear. He said giving the exams were more important not the results ! He said a break is necessary before full fledged work for the competitives begin, even if that’s just for 1 day.

Something else is going on in my mind too. Well I have not spent a day without my parents. I still can’t imagine how m going to spend months without them, settle down in a place totally new n strange. Strange feeling, some moments I feel I badly want to go, sometimes I tell myself living away from my parents is practically impossible. The decision is just a matter of time. That is it….I’ve found one solution to all my thoughts….TIME ! TIME will open all the knots, TIME will convert all uncertainties into perfect reality and all that I need to do is have the power of endurance to bear with what TIME brings for me !

Well this letter is nothing but a details of what’s going on in my mind now. A pensive in MICROSOFT WORD u can say. Dumbledore showed harry his pensive, I’m sending my pensive online to u. I was getting distracted, couldn’t study eve……so decided to write ya. Its strange isn’t it how we always have to put up a constant facade infront of every body? The face cannot always show what the heart conceals. We have jumped into this hell race to reach out our destinations, and we need to be strong & enduring to reach it. We have to hide our inner softer selves because we in the 21^st century cannot give vent to emotions, we have to forget happiness and think SUCCESS, we have to perform or perish. All that we do have one single purpose SUCCESS….we’ll have to bear with the stress that comes with it. If we are thinking that we’ll be happier and more relaxed ppl when all the results will be out and we’ll get admission into colleges then we are great fools…..because the battle of life has only begun ! But one thing for sure, whatever happens we’ll c it till the end. We may reach heights, which are higher than the highest, we may have to cross stretches of barren land but we’ll not STOP……!!!

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But we’ve got promises to keep,

Miles 2 go before we sleep. Isn’t it?

Being Friends...

Its amazing how we sometimes behave like real grown-up matured ladies and sometimes like immature gits. But what’s more important is that we can resolve things without anybody’s help. I was really sick n tired of myself…….Couldn’t help ! Desperately wanted things to straighten between the both of us but had no idea..HOW? Then I gave the thought a miss ……. Xams started. But guess what u called just before the theory papers were scheduled to begin. Neither you nor me explained or accounted for abnormal behaviour over the passed two weeks………but constrictions were removed, and normalcy was restored. Isn’t that mature enough?....But I dun curse myself because the call came from you and not me because I’m beginning to realize that I’m pretty bad at such situations and I was practically unable to call or even mail or do absolutely anything to make things right. This is a flaw in me I know…..but know one’s perfect and it is impossible to create an ideal system isn’t it ? That’s applicable for us too !!! I cant save such a situation and I’ve taken it for granted. If the person at the other end possesses the same flaw then we go on separate ways. But that wasn’t what happened coz U were on the other end. U are good at it buddy it seems. And they say it’s a crest that perfectly fits into a trough , both crests or both troughs cannot swiftly and subtly move on..can they ?......May be there exists some other flaw in you that I dun and later on in life I’ll serve as the crest for your trough.

Music and it's evolution ...

Music is a sense sublime of something far more deeply interfused whose dwelling is in the light of the setting sun, and in the round ocean, and in the living air, and in the clear blue sky, and in the heart of man. Music is a pristine language of human emotions, it is the spontaneous overflow of powerful, maybe sudden feelings in one’s heart. Music is not only sophistication of the Victorian intellectual but also the earthly rustic tunes of the bauls of Bengal. Music is a wide reality, it is beyond borders, it is free. It is the only sensuous pleasure without vice. It is something that millions of hearts crave for. It’s expanse is vast, it stretches right from the guitar of Bon Jovi to the sitar of Pandit Ravi Shakar.

Through the years man has evolved and so has music. In yesteryears a simple farmer used to sing to wade of the difficulties of his hard labour and today modern and urbanized man listens to that latest gizmo called the ipod to manage stress well. Nevertheless, music plays its part. Through the years music has been effecting man’s life in some of the other way. Its effect has been enriching and profound. Earlier creative people were multitalented geniuses, they were painters, poets, lyricists and music was their passion. Besides being a passion music started creeping into the customs and traditions later on, Christmas carols, the music of the festive dhak, wedding songs and many more. Then came independent countries and music, rather a national anthem was patronized. Now music comes to us in the form of films, The ultra modern form of music – the reality shows where the entire country is searched for one voice to be the Indian Idol. So this evolution of music is apparent yet insignificant. What it was, it remains today – an assemblage of the seven chords. Whether “do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti” or “sa-re-ma-ga-pa-dha-ni” music makes its presence felt.

A virtual world.....

The third law of thermodynamics says it is impossible to convert the entire amount of energy into useful work, some bit of it is bound to go down the drain. Here in lies the parallelism with life, no one can be 100% efficient, no one can be perfect, there is bound to be flaws in every person. But what if there could be a world, where everything is perfect, everything falls into place? Would have been brilliant. Say you have a friend, she is your good friend because you like most of her traits but there are also certain things you don’t like about her. How do you eliminate those particular traits? People say you got to see the good in others and overlook the odds. But I am not satisfied with such notions, I want it perfect. So for the purpose I need to create a world where everything is as you want it to be, your requests are never put down there. If you consider the real world entities there are few words that prominently stare at you, they are Failure, Stress, Tension, Pressure, Dissatisfaction etc etc……but in a realm of fantasy your unfulfilled desires can be achieved. Shakespeare once said Life is but an illusion, it’s through the mind man lives. Thus through the power of your mind you can create your own world of virtual reality where your mere physical existence melts into nothingness and you become one with your dreams.

All of a sudden I wrote this for a short story in my ISC

Mousumi bayu

- rituchakra, dirgho dagdha din gulir seshe ashe mousumi bayu o songe niye ashe brishti, prokritir ek oporup shrishti, daruno agni baner hath theke mukti

- prothome kerala tarpor nijer nirdisto poth anushare eshe pouchoy amader ei sonar banglay

- esho shyamolo shundara

- tarunyar protik

- pagla haoay, badol dine, pagol sobar mon neche othe

- gram banglay chashir mukhe hashi, majhir bhatiyali gane aar bauler polli gite charidik bhore othe, polli poribeshe bodol nojore pore

- sohure adhunikota, koto kobita lekha, bangla band-er gan rachana

- brishti nesha dhora sandhya belay telebhajay kamod o adda, koto kotha – khelar rajniti, rajnitir khela, prem o protighat.

- apamor bangalir kache moushumi bayur obodan ei kintu

- amar kebol mone pore ekta khin kontho swar, hospital er bed-e shuye amar barir kajer mashir meye amay bolechilo – kalo megh, domka haoa, ekta chena much, golir ondhokarer arale tar sorboshya lut kore niye chilo, take somajer choke noshto kore diyechilo….

- shedin ratri kedechilo, jokhoni mousumi bayu niye ashe oi kalo megh gulo ami bhabi, manush ki eto nishthur hote pare, e prithibi te ki tader jayga ache, tader ki kono bichar nei ?